


I forgot when I start drinking because I wanted to start forgetting you.

by tinystrk



Category: Captain America : Civil War (Movie), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Captain America : Civil War, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, alcohol issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 01:52:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18928906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinystrk/pseuds/tinystrk
Summary: Tony is drunk, alone and sad and called someone. It wasn’t maybe the best person to call.





	I forgot when I start drinking because I wanted to start forgetting you.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why but the Post Civil War Stevetony fics are definitely my fav and to read and to write.

His head resting on the marble of the  
counter while one hand was holding the bottle of scotch firmly as if it were the only thing that kept him alive -but maybe it was the thing that were killing him the most-, Tony jerks awake. He didin’t even remember falling asleep on the counter of the kitchen, he felt lost, even if he always felt this way, he just didn’t know what time it was, where he was, and even what day it was. He tried to keep his eyes open to be able to watch the digital clock on the microwave : “3h43”.  
His hair didin’t look like anything, so is his life. He rubbed one eye with the palm of the hand that didn’t hold the bottle and yawns. He took another sip of the scotch, the brown liquid going into his throat hurting him but that didn’t keep him from taking another one right after.  
If someone -for example Rhodey- would have entered the room and asked him how many bottle has he drank since the beginning of the week, he would just laugh sadly and tiredly and respond that if there weren’t any corpses of bottles he wouldn’t even remember started drinking.  
Tony’s life has been a huge mess since.. kinda forever but it dangerously increased since Steve almost killed him by shoving his shield in his chest or more like his reactor but for Tony it felt like he shoved it in his heart and chest.  
He hates that he still thinks of Steve that much. He hates that he hates Steve. But he hates that he still loves Steve. He hates Steve. But not really.  
From the corner of his eye, he sees it. The freaking flip-phone. He had wanted to destroy it so many times and god knows if he could he would do it. But he’s weak and unfortunately still in love. He carries this fucking thing everywhere he goes and that’s the thing he hates the most. Would he brake the only thing that keeps him in touch with Steve ? The only string that remains among all the broken ones.  
This night, he was particularly drunk, particularly tired, lost, sad, and alone.  
So he lets go the bottle and instead took something that destroy him even faster than the booze.  
His heart was pounding hard in his chest, so hard that he could feel it everywhere in his body. His fingers were trembling as they were dialing the only number on the phone and the number that Tony knows by heart. He never called Steve but he watched this goddamn phone so often that the number was printed in his mind.  
He puts the phone on his ear and close his eyes as the beep were echoing, the more the seconds were passing and the more Tony felt like the beeping were louder every times.  
Finally after what felt like an eternity, he heard a breathing, a breathing he could recognize among thousands. A breathing he heard so many times, during so many nights, this breathing which once helped him sleep.  
They were no words coming from anyone, they were just breathing and listening to the breathe of the other.  
“Tony ?” Steve finally manages to say, his voice sounds neutral, no anger but no real joy either.  
“Steven.” Tony’s voice was hoarse, he didn’t really know why he called Steve Steven, maybe to sound detached.  
“You okay ?”  
“Fine. Thank you for asking. I’m living my best life after you dumped me for going with your best friend who killed my parents but of course you know this, I’m not teaching you anything.” His voice was cold and was meant to be rude and it worked. After all, when you learn that the guy you were about to ask to marry you knew all along who killed your parents and that he hide it from you, you have rights to be mad.  
“You’re drunk ?” Steve’s voice sound preoccupied. He didn’t rebound of what Tony said because he deserved it. It hurted back then and still does, but he does deserve it.  
“Yes I am drunk Steve.” His voice was loud almost yelling, he gets up from his barstool almost falling. “And yes it’s almost 4 in the morning and I’m calling my ex fiancé because I missed him. And you know what ? That’s pathetic.” Tony’s voice was self-critical. Steve doesn’t have time to respond. “I hate that I still think of you everyday Steve. I hate that when I want to go and sleep in my bed, I can’t because you’re not there and that made me go the workshop and tinker until I fall asleep from deprive. I hate it so much, it’s unbearable. I hate that I still love you. And I hate above everything that I could forgive you if you were in front of me.” He was biting harshly his lower lip to contain himself from crying. Not now. Not again, he was done crying for him.  
“Tony-” It was a whispering, and even through a phone it makes Tony shivers. “Remember what I wrote in the letter.. in you need me—”  
“That’s the whole problem Rogers !” He cuts Steve mid-sentence “That’s the problem, I still need you.” He was breathing heavily, tears threatening to start rolling on his cheeks.  
How can you love and hate someone this much at the same time ?  
“I was gonna propose Steve.” He said softly, he managed to calm his breathing.  
“I know Tony. The ring was sumptuous. I would have said yes instantly.” Steve can’t contain himself from smiling. A sad smile, but it still is one.  
“I know.” Tony was facing the floor and tried to retain a smile.  
“Good night Tony.” His voice was so low and reassuring, Tony wanted this sentence more than anything to be pronounced by Steve himself in his ear.  
“Good night Steve.” His voice was also low and soothe.  
They both hang up, passed a hand thought their faces and their minds kept remembering them of souvenirs that were once their everyday life. Now it’s just memories, happy memories buried between wrath and sadness. Between the envy of erasing everything and start all over again and the hope that maybe one day they could work again together.  
But for now, Steve was just facing the vaste jungle of Wakanda and Tony found back his bottle and took one last sip emptying another bottle.


End file.
